dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
