well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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