I look better un-naked...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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