I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
