I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
