I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
