woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
