i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
