I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
