Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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