i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
