Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
