..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
