she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
