Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
