she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
