Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
