Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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