NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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