dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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