dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I look better un-naked...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
