his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
