i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
