There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
