I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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