Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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