Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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