Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
