craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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