If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
