you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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