I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
