youre lurking in front of me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think i have herpe
just one?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
