1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
