we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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