this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Alive.
So much puke
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
