found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry about my life...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
