the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this boner is exhausting
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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