I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
