I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
