U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
