But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
