i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
