WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
