She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
