If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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