did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
