shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
