i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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