If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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