hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
