I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
