I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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