Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
